On Happiness and Other Demons

Pauline à la plage, Éric Rohmer, 1983
I've always found summer to be perfect for sadness. It is quite unusual, seeing how it is sunny and full of festivals, parties, fun things to do, pool time and relaxing time... however I always associated it with sadness. I read sad books and watch sad films and enjoy them so much more in the summer because they just go so well together.

Maybe because I am an introvert. Or maybe because happiness is not something easy for me. I think I am happy, I actually am happy but there's still sadness inside. It is probably going to be there forever. I just need not let It stand in the way of my happiness. Sadness is not the opposite of happiness. Unhappiness however...

And I do have a tendency towards unhappiness. And it is somewhat easy to find reasons for unhappiness. My boyfriend tells me quite often that no matter what happens in my life I will always find the one thing that bothers me and be unhappy about it. I could be happy for 23 hours in a day but one hour of unhappiness will destroy that day no matter what.

And I have so many reasons to be happy... and I am happy. I just want to squish that tendency for unhappiness that haunts me. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging the things that are not where I want them to be, but it is not okay to let them have such an effect on my well-being. So that's what I am trying to learn now. How to say no to unhappiness. How to not let a thing, no matter how important (and usually it's the unimportant things that affect me a lot), ruin my entire day.

I should remind myself the reasons I have to be happy. What I am working towards, what I have already achieved, how lucky and grateful I am for all the people in my life. And I should work on fixing the things that might bring unhappiness without letting them take control over my mood.

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