On Happiness and Other Demons
|Pauline à la plage, Éric Rohmer, 1983|
Maybe because I am an introvert. Or maybe because happiness is not something easy for me. I think I am happy, I actually am happy but there's still sadness inside. It is probably going to be there forever. I just need not let It stand in the way of my happiness. Sadness is not the opposite of happiness. Unhappiness however...
And I do have a tendency towards unhappiness. And it is somewhat easy to find reasons for unhappiness. My boyfriend tells me quite often that no matter what happens in my life I will always find the one thing that bothers me and be unhappy about it. I could be happy for 23 hours in a day but one hour of unhappiness will destroy that day no matter what.
And I have so many reasons to be happy... and I am happy. I just want to squish that tendency for unhappiness that haunts me. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging the things that are not where I want them to be, but it is not okay to let them have such an effect on my well-being. So that's what I am trying to learn now. How to say no to unhappiness. How to not let a thing, no matter how important (and usually it's the unimportant things that affect me a lot), ruin my entire day.
I should remind myself the reasons I have to be happy. What I am working towards, what I have already achieved, how lucky and grateful I am for all the people in my life. And I should work on fixing the things that might bring unhappiness without letting them take control over my mood.